Airplane etiquette

There are business travelers and there are leisure travelers. Each with very distinct and different goals. I fall into the business traveler category, and I get frustrated by the leisure travelers. Tips for you kids that never ride planes:

1. Liquids go in a plastic bag. If it’s close to a liquid, just put it in there.

2. Take off your jacket, sweater, sweat shirt, belt, shoes….basically, go through almost naked. Think about being naked and then start putting clothes on (mentally). As soon as you have put on enough clothes that you would be willing to walk out the door, that’s where you need to be when walking through a metal detector.

3. Take your laptop out of it’s sleeve. Laptop needs to be naked.

4. Make sure your stuff gets on the conveyor belt. You’ll get turned around if you don’t.

5. Let’s pretend like you made it through without beeping. Go grab your stuff, slide on your shoes and get out of the way. The stuff is coming off the belt faster than you can put it back in your bag. Grab it and move.

I’m relatively unbothered by boarding planes. Not sure why….but it’s no biggy. But here’s my peeve. Over talkative seat mates.

So on my last flight I got a window seat. The guys next to me says, “shoot I forgot my iPod.” Oh no. And I was going to read my Martha Stewart and Lucky! Nope. Talked to me for the entire plane ride. Learned that he has a buddy who married Madeleine Albright’s daughter – “I didn’t go to the wedding, but I was invited.” And he almost made the US Olympic soccer team. So I said “oh, did you go to the training camp?” He says, “Well, no, I didn’t make it to training camp.” So technically I almost made the Olympic soccer team as well. He was nice and fine to chat with. But I know I talk kinda loud and I don’t like talking to someone in such close proximity when I don’t know them well – hello? Bad breath on either side makes it 1o times more awkward!

So get this. My Lucky magazine dropped to the floor during the flight. No worries. When we landed I asked the middle aged, balding man behind me if he could hand it to me. He passed it over really fast so I joked with him and said “oh, did you read a little” – thinking that if he had it handy, he must have flipped through it. Funny funny, haha, right? He responds with, “not much substance in there to read.” Wow. Awkward. Who says that? I mean, it’s no New Yorker or Vanity Fair, but seriously? That’ll teach me to tease middle aged balding men!